IT’S MOVING DAY!

It’s official, moving day has come and gone, and I’m settling into my new home. Everyone helped me get in without any injuries, and my back thanks you. 

Some things I learned: The guy at the U-Haul store has zero patience for tomfoolery. The tree in front of Chapman Hall starts casting shade over the spot I chose for my house around 3PM, and the kindness of strangers made this worth doing.

 I want to thank my co-students. This project evolved from something tongue in cheek and just a little cynical, to an experience I didn’t expect. It became more about the kindness of classmates I barely know, and their willingness to help a fellow student. It became quite meaningful in the end, so thanks everyone.

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WHY DID I MOVE IN THE FIRST PLACE YOU ASK???

I thank you for your assistance in helping m’ family move houses…again. Can’t say I ever liked moving around the country. We move a lot, and I’m almost to the point that the next time I have to get up and go, I might just burn it all down and run around naked in the woods until I succumb to wolves or exposure. We moved up Michigan way early in ‘06. Daddy wasn’t used to the chiggers and skeeters and caught a rash of deep cramps something awful. Dysentery took him on a Sundy in July. 

We moved down Saginaw way soon after, but that house just wasn’t right in the attic. That is to say, there was a ghost up there—Aunt Birtha‘s heart was all give out by the time that ol’ specter was done with her.

Then done a stint down in Jersey, southward—a town called Millville. Circus folk the lot of ‘em. Grandma Janice swallowed one too many swords (if you know what I mean) then run off with a couple carnies half her age. So we come back west a piece.  

Lost Baby Debbie during a gully-washer. It was a sad affair and we couldn’t be in a house where we’d lost a little one so we moved here. (They found Debbie a few weeks later and she was fine as frog’s hair, but it’s expensive to have a baby shipped to Wisconsin, so we just left her be.)
Just me, my boy and ma now. 

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I’d like to thank you for your assistance in helping my family move into our new house. We needed a new home after I fell and pulled my subcutaneal lateral hemoglobulin. My whole left discombobulous bottomed out on the right side and it has left me unable to carry furniture and boxes the right way. I hope that this payment helps you in your college career. Due to my injuries, my vision isn’t what it used to be, but I trusted the bank teller when she counted out these $100 bills. 

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Thank you so much for helping us move into this new home. We’ve struggled over the past year after going “all-in” on our family-band’s music career. After losing to Austria at Eurovision in 2025, my family decided to take our show on the road which has landed here in Wisconsin, USA. It’s odd to me just how few people truly appreciate the skill involved in hooting a juke on stoneware. Please accept this $1 bill, as it’s all we have left after our roadie absconded with our jugs and folding money.

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I would like to sincerely thank you for giving us a hand today. Hopefully this new house will help my family rebuild after our little situation. We’ve managed to find solace in exotic Wisconsin, far away from the international cabal of shadow assassins that have hounded us for the better part of a year. I can’t really talk about it, but my wife’s bounty is up somewhere in the high hundreds at this point. I suspect we’ll have to pick up again once the Velvet Chokehold learns of our whereabouts. 

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Hello! Thank you for your hard work today! Our house is now a home and hopefully we can get some rest here in Wisconsin after my son’s diagnosis of molly-ring-rot and an acute case of stink-foot. Michigan didn’t want us anymore after the kid took his shoes off. Seriously, I think he needs to start wearing socks. Have you ever smelled the feet of an eight-year-old with the creeping crud? Don’t. 

Sincerely,
Gabe